Parmars, again

Now that I finally have nothing to do with them, I can wholeheartedly "recommend" this fantastic 1-bedroom flat offered for rental by Parmars Estates. (The link may not last very long but don't worry, I have backups of it.) There are lots of good things not in the descriptions and the pictures though which I think I should highlight to potential tenants.

• The advertised rent is 425 pounds per calendar month. You may naively think the same rent is to be paid across the entire rental period, but actually, the rent will increase by 7.5 pounds after every 6 months. You will be informed of this, of course - after you have paid the application fees (and are thus effectively tied to them).

• And if you think you can quit after 6 months, sorry, the contract length is actually one year, not the commonest 6 months. If you want a 6-month contract then it won't be the same rent.

• It says "white goods" and you will also be told "everything is included". However, when they finally produce an inventory (after you paid all fees, obviously) you will find out that the washing machine is not listed, and when you ask them then they will suddenly tell you that it is not included and what you see is only left behind from the previous tenant. Maybe it is not "white" enough. Don't worry, it works, just that I don't know how much longer it will still work - you will soon find yourself enjoying its screaming.
  

• And if you find there are things, like a TV, left behind by previous tenants when you first view the flat, and are promised they will stay, then be assured, they will disappear when you move in.

• They charge a deposit which is 1.5 times the rent, not the usual 100 pounds+rent. But never mind. Make sure you chase them for proof of participating in the Tenancy Deposit Scheme though. This may come handy when you try to get your deposit back at the end of the tenancy. You will find that your deposit is indeed held very "securely" and will take you lots of patience to recover them.

• Here is what can happen. Two weeks pass and there is no contact. Then they say the inspector is "on holiday" and will do the inspection next week. Next week comes and nothing happened and you only get another "next week" promise. Another week passes and they say the inspection report is sent to landlord and waiting for his approval. But just keep bugging them, at least there is one tenant who got it back in 5 weeks time. And make sure you talk politely too, or else they will accuse you of talking "nastily".

• If I say this I'm guaranteeing myself huge trouble, but this is my true personal experience. All I***** lettings agents are f***ing l***s. Don't get anywhere near them.
  

• I'm not sure why, but whenever you come back to your flat and open the door, there will be a cold breeze blowing out. Scary isn't it. And soon you will notice the flat's level of humidity. Look at some parts of the c******. And look behind the d**** too. And I'm very very sorry about this, I've already tried my best: take note of the b*** s******. Good luck.